I followed my thoughts

and got myself lost

 

I followed my feelings

and jumped from the ceiling

 

I followed my body

and ran to the potty

 

I followed my heart

So far… good start

 

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A few things I’m thankful for:

- People watching

- Waving hi to my neighbors :)

- Decorating my home!!

 

 

Pop culture things I’m thinking about:

- Troye Gap campaign. Get it girlie.

- I woke up today singing this lil tune

- I re-listened to this podcast episode and found new wisdom

 

 

A random journal entry:

4.24.23

if you were to look into the windows of this home, you’d see love

 

 

A random thought:

I started teaching dance this week. Three contemporary classes every Monday and two additional rehearsals on Wednesdays. On the evenings that I’m not teaching, I’m choreographing or writing out stories for this newsletter. Somehow I’ve managed to find myself busier than ever, but I’m trying to practice balancing preparation with trust and productivity with play. So far I’m proud of how I’m showing up.

 

On Monday morning I woke up and sat with the feeling of Today’s the day. I’m a dance teacher again. It’s a reality that I’ve longed for for nearly 10 years — and it had finally come true. I was happy and I was grateful. But to my surprise I spent most of the day listening to sad music and feeling a sense of unexpected disappointment. I had stumbled upon a new layer of grief.

 

I think for a long time I believed that teaching dance again would be a perfect “solution” to some of my life’s greatest problems. But now that day was here, and I realized that was untrue. I got what I was longing for, but my problems had not gone away. I faced the sober realization that I was only at the beginning of my process. Not the end. Perhaps there was no end. Perhaps my life’s greatest problems were not something I could acquire away.

 

As I walk through this grief I’m discovering a new sense of hope. It exists less in the future, more in the present. Less in the ideal end, more in the messy middle. Less in my thoughts and feelings, more in my heart.

 

____

 

 

Thanks for reading :) Talk again soon.