Doubt can be a vortex that sucks everything into it. For me, it begins with myself.

 

I don’t trust my intentions.

I don’t trust my actions.

I don’t trust my desires.

I don’t trust my ability.

 

Then it starts to project. Flinging, splattering onto other people.

 

I don’t trust their intentions.

I don’t trust their actions.

I don’t trust their desires.

I don’t trust their ability.

 

Eventually it spreads, like a cancer, to God, the universe, and everything within it.

 

I don’t trust its intentions.

I don’t trust its actions.

I don’t trust its desires.

I don’t trust its ability.

 

The idea that any of these entities—me, God, and others—are separate from one another is a fallacy. So is the notion that we as individuals are at all singular. There are, in fact, many parts of us.

 

Learning to trust is like walking down a staircase with our shoe laces tied together. The right foot can only go as far as the left will allow. We must make progress slowly, as a unit. Over time, as all parts of us get the hang of it, we may stumble and shuffle our way toward transformation.

 

Until suddenly we’re at the bottom of the staircase. Overjoyed with triumph in the face of doubt. Possessing once again faith in our intentions, our actions, our desires, and our ability. We cannot just arrive at trustworthiness. We must become it. And thank God that we do — another staircase awaits!

 

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A few things I’m thankful for:

- Vitamin D

- Compound growth

- New shoes

 

 

Pop culture things I’m thinking about:

- Lately I have been on a major Yoga With Adriene kick. She makes a daily yoga practice so accessible and enjoyable. 10/10 recommend her 30-day “Flow” course.

- I’m very curious to see Dune 2 even though I haven’t seen Dune 1 :)

- New Ari album tomorrow!!! I have a feeling this one’s gonna be really, really good.

 

 

A random journal entry:

8.2.19

the feeling that everything’s falling apart and the feeling that everything’s coming together is the same feeling

 

 

A random thought:

I recently started a morning practice of reading and reflecting on Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditations. In the very first entry of the book, he references a prayer by St. Joan of Arc that I find to be quite profound. I’ve prayed it every day since:

 

“If I am in your truth, God, keep me here. If I am not, God, put me there.”

 

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Thanks for reading :) Talk again soon.